Rumaisa Azhar Khan – WMHD Online Exhibition of Creative Works
“I was standing in a bustling room, listening to the sound of people cheering and applauding at the dazzling performance yet I felt invisible like a whisper in a soaring storm. Every night I close my eyes and fantasize about myself being on top of the world, being heard and seen by others, nevertheless, every time I open my eyes everything comes back crashing down on me taking me back to the harsh reality “. I sighed and closed my journal. It was a normal day in my life. I woke up, went to school, and sat at my routine spot imagining myself like others, confident and social everything that I wasn’t.
The next day was no different. I was walking down the corridor when I saw the pamphlet which was about the writing competition. I found it compelling because it was the only thing I considered myself good at, but the thought of people looking and judging me, made my body shudder with nervousness. I went to take my class and the first class was of my most dreaded subject i.e. communication, yes a nightmare for an introvert like me. “We will do something different today. Let’s talk about something which stops us all from reaching our full potential, i.e. fear” said Mr. Ryle setting down his notes. “Would anyone like to explain what fear is?” he asked. Instantly, the whole class raised their hands. “Fear is a feeling which we get when we are scared to do something” replied Evans proudly. “Yes Evans, that is one way to look at it”. Evans sits down and Mr. Ryle continues, “Fear is an emotion that can be good and bad. When good, it helps us survive in challenging situations like if you don’t have fear for your exams you rascals would never study” Everyone giggled. This class was a bit different than usual. I found myself sitting on the edge of the chair listening carefully to what Mr. Ryle had to say. “Then there is negative fear which hinders our day-to-day performance like some people have fear of public speaking or fear of deep water. Now to overcome it you have to face it by gradually exposing yourself to it, i.e. by taking baby steps,”. “But Sir I am scared of heights. I don’t go to the roof anymore to play with my sisters” Mina fell from her balcony while playing with her sisters and developed a fear of heights after she had to stay in hospital for two weeks. Mr. Ryle answered compassionately, “Mina, the goal of facing your fear is not to eliminate it but to learn to coexist with it and not let it take control and steer our lives”. For the first time I dared to speak in the class so I pushed myself and said “It is easy to say then to be able to do it” my classmates and even Mr. Ryle seemed surprised to hear me speak. “First of all Jack I am so proud of you for speaking and secondly, I never said it is easy. Imagine fear as a big monster and every time you feel afraid it gets stronger” he gives dramatic sound effects to make it seem horrifying. “But there is a secret weapon to defeat this monster that is by being brave. Bravery is like a shiny sword that glows in the dark. So stand tall and face your fears head-on and remember that whatever you are afraid of I believe you will overcome it.” The bell rang declaring the end of the period and pulling me out of the trance.
Mr. Ryle’s words kept lingering in my head so I went to him after class and told him my intentions of taking part in the competition and the fear related to it. He said “Jack you are such a good writer. I’ve seen your work and it is admirable and fascinating then why are you afraid? You might be okay not going out of this comfort zone now but you will regret it later. Even you would be amazed by the hidden capabilities you didn’t know you possessed. All it needs is one little push”. That was all I needed. The next day I went to register myself for the competition. It wasn’t easy but I did it anyway. The day of the competition arrived and I gave my best.
It had been two weeks since the competition and I had forgotten about it until I was called to the principal office. It was the other thing I dreaded. Anyway, I went to her office with shaky legs and a trembling heart. As I entered, she had a big smile on her face as she dropped the bomb, “Congratulations Jack your article not only won the first prize but the jury loved it so much that they decided to publish it in the national magazine” I was too stunned to speak. I thanked her and got out of the office with an ecstatic face.
That night I opened my journal with a new profound feeling of determination. “How is it possible to feel the emptiness of dessert and the fullness of the ocean all at once? Yes, my life hadn’t been ideal like I wanted it to be, but it isn’t over yet I can live it fearlessly now” I smiled to myself as I continued, “And just like that, in the midst of this desert of uncertainties, I discovered an oasis of strength, of resilience. I found the power to embrace both the solitude of the desert and the craziness of the ocean, and in that I found peace.
And then I realized,
perhaps just perhaps it wasn’t all that bad…”
I closed my journal and went to sleep.
